January 2023

Sunday, January 1, 2023

I wish there were more of me, because I never have enough time to do all the things I want to do.

In December I was so preoccupied with work to-dos and then squeaking in some writing time that we didn’t have many family adventures over the school break.

We all slept in this morning, and then I tried to focus on doing stuff with my 9-year-old, even though there’s still plenty on my work list.

It’s a hard balance: work, family, writing (aka ikigai), mental health breaks, outside active time.

Eating vegetables, etc.

Monday, January 2, 2023

One of the reasons I started writing mysteries is because of this bit in Julia Cameron’s The Writer’s Life: Insights from The Right to Write:

If we didn’t have to worry about being published and being judged, how many more of us might write a novel just for the joy of making one? Why should we think of writing a novel as something we couldn’t try — the way an amateur carpenter might build a simple bookcase or even a picnic table? What if we didn’t have to be good at writing? What if we got to do it for sheer fun?

 

– Julia Cameron, The Writer’s Life

Creating a story that is complex and interesting enough to require 90,000 words is SO FUN. And once I know the story, it’s just a matter of discipline to write it down.

Someday I might teach writing courses, and this will be the theme of the second lesson (after choosing your medium).

Tuesday, January 3, 2023

I’m increasingly grumpy about cell phones.

The snowball started rolling this week when I saw two girls downtown, age 7 and 9, eyes stuck to their phones. 

I get pissier every time I’m with someone — presumably spending quality time — and they reach for their phone, twitching for a fix.

This January my friends have made all kinds of resolutions and goals: no sugar, no booze, better budgeting, more fun, more art.

But no one has vowed to reduce their screen time.

What did people used to do while waiting for an appointment, back in the olden days of the early 2000s or earlier, before they could kill that time staring cow-faced at a glowing screen? 

Carry a book with you, dammit. Remember how to knit. Talk to your children.

I bring a book for my son when I know we’ll be waiting somewhere. I’m getting him into the habit NOW.

Because in a land of the blind, the one-eyed man will be king.

Wednesday, January 4, 2023

My friend Jessie tricked me into going to a gym class yesterday, which made me feel healthy, and then this morning I found myself changing from PJs into gym clothes instead of normal people clothes, so I went to the gym AGAIN and ran for 30 minutes.

It felt so good that I almost forgot to treat the experience as writerly research, and had to go back to take this photo.

This is what my protagonist sees in my gym scene, with her dad jogging beside her, as they try to build a better relationship.

I sure wish I had a sense of smell. I have to imagine the blend of cleaner spray, sweat and all that metal and plastic. 

Maybe I’ll be able to convince Jessie to come run with me someday and she can tell me what it smells like in there.

Thursday, January 5, 2023

I grew up creating elaborate stories with Lego, Fisher Price Little People, and Barbie dolls.

(The whole rigamarole about Barbies being “bad” for kids, especially girls, didn’t make sense to me. My 100+ dolls each had their own names, family units, professions, backstories and character arcs. They had their own religion, centred around the deity of “Barbie.” Pink was a spiritual colour.)

When I found out I was pregnant in 2013, the first thought I had was to rebuild the Fisher Price Little People collection of my childhood, so my kiddo could love these toys as much as I did.

In the ten years since, I’ve rescued, bought and been given copies of almost all the pieces I remember playing with.

Today a friend gifted me this Fisher Price Little People castle set, dragon included. I didn’t have this set as a kid, but I’d heard of its wonders and have longed for one of my own, to complete my collection. 

There’s a moving staircase, hidden passageways, a dungeon and a working drawbridge.

My son spent hours playing with it tonight.

I am fulfilled.

Friday, January 6, 2023

Writing with the aim of having books published involves a lot more than just writing those books.

Today I worked on this new website, which is a streamlined, publication-focused version of the portfolio-style website I first built in 2017.

(Specifically, I transferred over the submission calendar I host, with deadlines for writing contests open to Canadian writers, and updated the links and dates for 2023.)

I still can’t bring myself to delete the old website, though.

Just last month, another writer found me through a 2017 post, and reached out with a comment.

I’ve been “blogging” since the early 2000s, before it was cool, back when I had to build everything myself with Dreamweaver slices.

This record of my writing life includes:

• a daily journal of my barstar year at age 25
• “D.I.N.K.s on the farm” personal essays from when Brock and I became hippie organic veggie farmers
• diary entries from when Brock was dying of cancer
• a record of our pandemic lockdown time

Saturday, January 7, 2023

“What do you do?”

So often, this is one of the first questions when we meet someone new.

Usually, they’re just trying to make small talk. Discussing our day jobs is an easy way to connect with someone.

But it always feels like a challenge.

I have a variety of answers, depending on how contrary I feel in that moment.

Do I call myself a writer? Even though my books aren’t published yet?

Do I explain the patchwork of part-time jobs I’ve created, so that my monthly income covers my expenses?

Does being a mom count as work? ‘Cause it should, dammit.

(Maybe my tendency to overthink things is why I hate small talk so much.)

Sunday, January 8, 2023

I was due to write a scene that didn’t excite me. That’s never a good sign. If it bores me, it will bore future readers.

I knew what had to be accomplished with the scene: the information to be revealed, a new setting to describe. But once I’d planned it out, it just felt like a laundry list.

There wasn’t enough conflict to make things interesting.

When I’m stumped like this, the best solution I’ve found is to write out the problem. I brainstorm and think with my pen on paper.

I drew a line charting the rising tension I wanted in the story, and figured out how I could escalate the one conflict that already existed.

I brainstormed how the setting could increase this tension: my protagonist’s childhood home, where she no longer belongs. Her art has been removed from the fridge. Her bedroom is an office.

Magic happens when I think through problems with a pen and paper. Everything becomes clearer.

Because of this magic, I figured out how to write the scene, in an interesting and tense way that kept my interest. (And, someday, a reader’s.)

Monday, January 9, 2023

I love how all the little details of life feed into writing.

Like: the friend who crinkles her neck like a turtle when she grimaces, or the tension at that party when no one was talking about the elephant in the room, or the smell of sausages on a campfire.

One of my favourite hobbies is quilting. I cut up perfectly good fabric, then sew it back together again in a different way.

Writing is much the same.

I use this friend’s physical description and that real-life drama, then set it in a cafe I called home in the summer of 2003. It smells like my favourite cookies, but the lights are flickering like they do in that store downtown with the lazy landlord.

When all these pieces are used together in the right way, I can create the mood I want and the conflicts that will best challenge my characters. The story will say something interesting and insightful about the world.

It’s a beautiful and satisfying kind of art.

Tuesday, January 10, 2023

15,000 words!!!! I’m 1/6 done my first draft of this book. Woot woot!!

Wednesday, January 11, 2023

Whew! Part of my day was spent playing backgammon and drinking tea, part was running around setting up a soundboard and trying to join a Zoom call on time.

This picture from 8:36 pm sums up the chaos.

I don’t have time to work on my story for two days this week, due to other life responsibilities, but it’s kinda for the best. My tendinitis is acting up again with all the mouse use, and my hands/wrists/forearms need a break.

In the meantime, my story simmers on the back burner of my brain and little realizations pop up: that inconsistency, that word choice. I scribble these down to be dealt with Friday.

Thursday, January 12, 2023

My family loves ice fishing and now we have our own ice shack, but I don’t like killing things so my fishing lure didn’t have a hook on it today.

When I close the door to the shack, it’s totally dark inside and the green water lights up: we can see for a dozen or so feet down.

Life can be busy. Today I ran around trying to check all the to-do boxes on my list, satisfying the many people who expect things from me. 

But I was able to carve out some quiet moments, to watch the fish and listen to my kiddo smashing ice with his hammer outside the hut.

My guy is following his passions & off to play a huge poker tournament in Calgary this weekend. We both wore our lucky shirts today!

Saturday, January 14, 2023

Sometimes I’ll find a list of classic mystery authors mentioned in an interview or review or back blurb — and I get excited when I learn a new name. 

This is how I found Dorothy Sayers, Margery Allingham and Rex Stout.

Other times, I’ll sample random pages from the mystery section of used book sales or stores, hoping to discover a new series.

This is how I found Robert Barnard.

I’ve been chain-reading his novels after scoring a dozen at a used book sale in Calgary.

They’re dated. Death by Sheer Torture was first published in 1981. Barnard’s characters are sometimes racist, sexist and/or anti-gay. The books include references to 1980s politics and pop culture that I don’t understand.

And there’s a consistent tone or feeling in these novels that’s off-putting: like the narrator is sneering at the characters and mileau (I have never used that word before but it’s the right one here).

So …….. why on earth am I reading these books?

They are chewy. 

They are the opposite of beach reads.

My brain has to work to read these books: to make sense of the references via the context, in case they’re relevant to the mystery; to question the offhand digs at characters; and to try to pinpoint exactly how he creates this narrative tone of voice, as a writerly exercise.

Sometimes I don’t have the energy to dive into whichever Barnard book I’m reading.

Yet, when I finish one, I tend to reach for another.

Sunday, January 15, 2023

I was in a funk today, which is ridiculous because I live a very sweet life.

Everyone around me seems to be able to disconnect from their responsiblities and make time for fun: my guy went to Calgary and played poker for two days, and numerous friends and family are in Mexico or other hot, relaxing destinations.

Meanwhile, I feel trapped by responsibilities.

So I checked out from my life for a few hours, went to a cafe, and started working on the awesome Rolife miniature bookstore kit my parents gave me for Christmas.

(The beer and chocolate brownie were also good medicine.)

I don’t NEED a big getaway: I’d rather have more little moments of peace like this.

I’m going to need another Rolife set.

Monday, January 16, 2023

During the most recent apocalypse my kiddo (like all kiddos of his generation) decided he wanted to be a YouTuber.

He envisioned Minecraft videos. We compromised and created an “Outdoor Kid Adventures” channel.

At some point, his videos were picked up by our local Shaw cable station and are now used as commercial breaks in between longer segments.

We went snowmobiling today (his first time ever!!) and got footage, so I spent an hour or two slicing things together to make a new video.

In other words: I paused my own creative project to support my kid’s. And I did it with pleasure, because he LOVES making these videos, and I want to encourage his creative projects.

Tuesday, January 17, 2023

There was exciting news for me in my email inbox this morning. It’s not “Wow, you’re the next great thing in mystery writing and I want to publish your novels,” but it’s still pretty exciting news.

I’m not supposed to talk about it.

So here’s a picture of the mimosa flight my man made me at the pub, to celebrate.

Wednesday, January 18, 2023

I write in public spaces often: cafes, the pub.

This amuses the other patrons who watch my face contort as I empathize with my characters’ emotions, my body attempt to recreate two people holding hands, etc.

Today I wrote about a car sliding sideways down an icy hill and so spent 30 minutes perched lopsided in my seat.

I’m struggling to imagine the weird lighting of this scene (night, streetlights beyond, stars, deer ahead but I’m coming downhill). Guess I’ll have to go for a night drive this week so I can fact-check.

Thursday, January 19, 2023

Maybe this is what a mid-life crisis looks like, but so far in 2023 I’ve joined two boards. 

I’m now a trustee for our regional public library, and the secretary for the district parent advisory council. 

Yes, it was only a few days ago that I was whining about being too busy …. But I can’t seem to resist the call for help when a cause I care about needs people.

Just call me Wonder Woman.

It helps that I’m able to spend so much of my day working on my new novel. Once that ikigai / internal / spiritual / happiness / life purpose box is checked, I have patience and energy for the rest of the world.

Friday, January 20, 2023

I’m due for new headshots. That one on my website’s homepage is from 2019, and I’ve earned plenty more wrinkles in those 3-4 years.

I HATE posing for official photographs. I get self-conscious, and my smile shows it. I have no idea how to hold my head or which side of me is “better” or whether my hair is behaving, etc.

I only wear make-up for fancy occassions and can never seem to use a curling tool properly.

The best photos of me — the ones that really capture my messy happiness — are ones like these: taken with a friend, mid-adventure.

Carol and I took a dozen pictures, struggling with the weird lighting at Invermere’s Snowflake Festival, determined to capture our Kodak moment. 99% of them are blurry or weird or overexposed.

But we got this one: honest smiles, rosy cheeks and all the crowsfeet I’ve cultivated in my 42 years.

Maybe I’ll just use this photo for my book’s someday dust jacket.

Saturday, January 21, 2023

Chekhov said: “If in the first act you have hung a pistol on the wall, then in the following one it should be fired. Otherwise don’t put it there.” 

This is metaphorical advice for writers to only include what is necessary and relevant in the story, but it’s also literal.

However, when those metaphorical “pistols” are hung too obviously, the story becomes predictable.

This is why I find it increasingly difficult to watch movies or read literary fiction: I know that if we’re given 100 reasons to care about the security guard (loving family photo framed on his desk, he’s excited about the new puppy they’ve adopted), he will die.

At the same time, this predictability is one of the reasons I love murder mystery TV shows.

I love Columbo’s inevitable “Excuse me, just one more thing …” line of questioning.

I love that if the story involves a gun with blanks, someone will always load it with real bullets. 

This predictability is soothing. It’s why I can half-watch a mystery show on Britbox while also building a complicated Lego set.

Sunday, January 22, 2023

My guy and I drove down Kpokl Road today. I’m writing a nighttime scene that takes place here, and wanted to check the details against my memory.

I had plenty of details wrong, yet have been living in my fictional world so deeply that my first thought was that the REAL world was wrong: those curbs are smaller than they’re supposed to be, that drop-off isn’t as steep, etc.

Hahahah.

Monday, January 23, 2023

My third mystery novel is coming along: I’m at 17,574 words as of today. 

That gradual slope of the graph makes me so happy.

Obviously I’d love for it to be a steeper curve, but I’ve found a decent balance of writing / paid work / volunteer projects / gym time / family time / mental health fun, so let’s not rock that boat too hard.

It’s exciting to think that a 90,000 manuscript is only 247 words per day.

Yes, you too can write a big huge thing!

Come along for the adventure and watch this space for updates as I write another big huge thing!

Tuesday, January 24, 2023

I drove down Kpokl Road again today. This time I was the driver and I felt my car gaining momentum on the hill, just before this S curve in the road. 

Yikes, this would be extra scary in the dark on an icy road!!

So I will add these details to my scene. Let’s make things as scary for my protagonist as I can.

I still need to experience this drive in the dark, though. I’m hoping to remember tonight, after the PAC meeting …

Wednesday, January 25, 2023

I was sleepy this morning so chose a writing task that didn’t require much creativity: adding index card plot points to my novel planning document.

I plotted out my entire novel in the fall of 2022 using index cards.

An index card might read simply: “Gym conflict with X.”

When I add it to my novel planning document, it becomes five or more bullet point sentences of what needs to happen in that scene, my protagonist’s state of mind, the scene’s purpose, any important setting details, etc.

Once it’s time to write out a scene, the bullet notes remind me of everything I want that scene to include.

All writers find their own methods to make writing novels easier: I love hearing how other writers manage hefty projects.

Thursday, January 26, 2023

It’s so easy to be lazy, with writing or any other life goal.

Sometimes we have to fool ourselves into doing things we really do want to do, but inertia or laziness or life busy-ness or other obstacles make challenging.

One trick I’ve found when writing a big project (like a novel) is to reward myself when I achieve little milestones. Like: when I hit 10,000 words, I can go out for sushi.

I wanted to go to the gym more regularly, both for my mental health and to lose my covid/beer belly. Rewards weren’t working, but this week I found a way to trick myself into daily gym time:

In the morning I dress in gym clothes, then pull warmer clothes on top. I’m not allowed to wear “normal” clothes until I go to the gym. It sounds weird, but it’s working for me. I somehow always find the time to hit the gym for 40 minutes.

Friday, January 27, 2023

My chronic tendonitis flared up again this month. It starts in my fingers, then moves up joint by joint as each one starts to hurt and the next one over-compensates.

By Friday it had reached my neck and I was waking up to a constant ache in both arms, from fingers to shoulders. I also get random sharp pains, like when I squeeze a washcloth or thumb open a yogurt lid.

Tendonitis really sucks when all you want to do is write.

So Friday I went to see my local miracle healer, Jean-Luc Cortat, a Hellerworker who “creates space” around my tendons/nerves/I don’t really understand what he does but it HURTS and then I feel loose, light and on the way to recovery.

I kept myself away from my desktop, ipad and even phone yesterday, to let Jean-Luc’s magic sink in.

Once again, this is a reminder to prioritize how I use my typing time & limit my time at a keyboard. My body has limits.

Saturday, January 28, 2023

My kiddo is sick so I left him to his movies and snuggly blankets and spent much of the day at our ice fishing shack with my sister and brother-in-law.

They wanted to catch the biggest fish and win the annual Fishing Derby.

I wanted to watch the fishies swim and see how much hot chocolate I could drink without having a toilet nearby. 

It was a gorgeous, blue sky day. The predicted cold snap hasn’t hit yet and we didn’t even need gloves.

I can feel my hard-won habits slipping: no gym time today (although I did cross country ski a bit), no writing (because my arms still hurt and I want to avoid typing a bit longer). I’m trying to be okay with this.

Sunday, January 29, 2023

And … the cold snap hit. -25 below in the morning. Everything is ice and you can feel the chill on your face as soon as you step outside. 

My kid’s still coughing and sniffly anyways so we stayed indoors. I made an apple pie for family dinner, and then spent glorious hours working on my new Rolife miniature bakery set and binge-watching Murdoch Mysteries.

Still no writing. Still avoiding typing.

I hate these “breaks” from working on my novel. I wanted to reach 20,000 words by the end of January and now this tendonitis break is sabotaging me.

Maybe tomorrow I’ll be able to face a keyboard again.